Current:Home > FinancePsychopaths are everywhere. Are you dating one? Watch out for these red flags. -Mastery Money Tools
Psychopaths are everywhere. Are you dating one? Watch out for these red flags.
View
Date:2025-04-12 19:55:16
Psychopaths aren't just found in prisons, true-crime documentaries or horror films; some walk among us.
In fact, you probably know one.
"Everybody knows somebody with psychopathy," Abigail Marsh, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Georgetown University and the co-founder of Psychopathy Is, an organization dedicated to alleviating suffering caused by psychopathy, says. "You might think that this issue doesn't relate to you, but it does. You definitely know least one person who has psychopathy."
Psychopaths don't experience empathy, guilt or remorse; as a result, they have no problem hurting or exploiting others to get what they want. They make great serial killers and CEOs − and they can be very attractive when it comes to dating, Judy Ho, a clinical and forensic neuropsychologist, says.
"Some of the psychopath tactics for how to get close to people and gain their trust, it can feel very alluring in the beginning," Ho says, adding that about 1-3% of the general population, as well as 6-8% of leaders and executives, are psychopaths. "You finally find somebody who really understands you and cares about you, and so it's just easy to put the blinders on and ignore the signs that it's not going well and that there's something maybe sinister underneath."
What is psychopathy?
Psychopath is a colloquial term used to describe someone with traits of anti-social personality disorder.
Traits of psychopathy include impulsiveness, boldness and a "dominant, fearless personality," Marsh says, but "meanness is really the heart of psychopathy" as well as "a callous and uncaring attitude about other people's welfare."
Both social and genetic factors can push someone to anti-social behavior, and many psychopaths come from loving homes, Marsh says.
Ho says psychopathy is a spectrum and that psychopaths can be talented at "moving a company or an organization forward."
"When you get into the more severe aspects of the spectrum, then we're looking at things like a lack of empathy, using people as pawns for their goals without care for their feelings or what they want, some narcissistic qualities that are very self-centered, being upset whenever they feel like somebody is arguing with them or criticizing them in any way, even if it's constructive and well-meaning," Ho says.
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
To a psychopath, the only thing that matters is getting what they want − and they don't care who they hurt or wrong in the process.
Though psychopaths don't care about others, they can still be motivated to date if doing so will help them achieve a desired end. For instance, a psychopath might seek out a relationship in order to financially exploit someone, distract from other nefarious activities or simply to have sex.
"You actually see this with serial killers, mass murderers − they seemingly have normal lives," Ho says. "A lot of them actually were married and had children, for example, and actually kept up with some semblance of employment so that the community wouldn't necessarily suspect them."
Is narcissism genetic?Narcissists are made, not born. How to keep your kid from becoming one.
Like narcissists, many psychopaths seek admiration; however, while narcissists do this to feed their egos, psychopaths view admiration as a tool to help them get what they want, Marsh says. Many psychopaths also truly believe they can outsmart everyone else, though Ho says it's a myth psychopaths are more intelligent than the general population.
"Everything is instrumental," Marsh says. "Everything is about just achieving a goal, and so they want admiration and status and esteem because it's useful. Getting those things will help you get what you want."
Narcissists have a type.Are you a narcissist magnet? Here's how to tell.
Are you dating a psychopath? Here's how to tell:
Psychopaths are hard to spot, and usually their manipulation can only be clocked when it's done unskillfully, Marsh says. Here are the red flags to watch for in case your date is a psychopath.
- They love bomb strategically: "It's not just love bombing for the sake of love bombing," Ho says. "They tend to get more specific. They'll find something that's really personal to you and then essentially look like they're making it their life's goal to make that part of your life better for you."
- They seem overly generous: Gifts from a psychopaths often have strings attached. "They might be trying to manipulate you by giving you all the things they think you want, and then now you'll feel like you're in their debt," Marsh says.
- They keep the focus on you: Unlike narcissists who need the spotlight, "psychopaths talk about you on the first date, but it's all very strategic," Ho says. "It's trying to get information, know where your weaknesses are, know where you're hurting so that they can actually utilize that to bring you closer to them."
- They want you isolated: "As you start to trust them more, they start to gradually distance you from the rest of your life," Ho says.
- They crave control: "At first they'll say, 'Let me just have you turn on your location on your phone, so that I can make sure you get home safe from work.' But then after that, it's like, 'Well, let's just have your location on all the time,' " Ho says.
- They disappear without a trace: Psychopaths have difficulty keeping long-term commitments, like jobs or relationships, Ho says. Be on the lookout if your date has a spotty work history or other inconsistencies in their background. "They kind of jump from job to job and relationship to relationship, and then, whenever somebody doesn't give them what they want, then they kind of just move on," Ho says. "When things don't go their way, they disappear, so you never really get a chance to actually see them really at their complete worst."
More:What happens when a narcissist becomes a parent? They force their kids into these roles.
veryGood! (6779)
Related
- Trump suggestion that Egypt, Jordan absorb Palestinians from Gaza draws rejections, confusion
- From Pose to Queer as Folk, Here Are Best LGBTQ+ Shows of All Time
- Is Natural Gas Really Helping the U.S. Cut Emissions?
- Book excerpt: American Ramble: A Walk of Memory and Renewal
- Trump suggestion that Egypt, Jordan absorb Palestinians from Gaza draws rejections, confusion
- A Clean Energy Revolution Is Rising in the Midwest, with Utilities in the Vanguard
- Walt Nauta, Trump aide indicted in classified documents case, pleads not guilty
- Lin Wood, attorney who challenged Trump's 2020 election loss, gives up law license
- Federal hiring is about to get the Trump treatment
- Jellyfish-like creatures called Blue Buttons that spit out waste through their mouths are washing up on Texas beaches
Ranking
- Small twin
- Naomi Watts Marries Billy Crudup: See the Couple's Adorable Wedding Photo
- Make Fitness a Priority and Save 49% On a Foldable Stationary Bike With Resistance Bands
- John Berylson, Millwall Football Club owner, dead at 70 in Cape Cod car crash
- Gen. Mark Milley's security detail and security clearance revoked, Pentagon says
- Global Warming Means More Insects Threatening Food Crops — A Lot More, Study Warns
- Man cited in Supreme Court case on same-sex wedding website says he never contacted designer. But does it matter?
- Proof Jennifer Coolidge Is Ready to Check Into a White Lotus Prequel
Recommendation
Tom Holland's New Venture Revealed
These 20 Secrets About the Jurassic Park Franchise Will Find a Way
Lupita Nyong'o Brings Fierceness to Tony Awards 2023 With Breastplate Molded From Her Body
As Congress Launches Month of Climate Hearings, GOP Bashes Green New Deal
This was the average Social Security benefit in 2004, and here's what it is now
A Surge From an Atmospheric River Drove California’s Latest Climate Extremes
Scandoval Shocker: The Real Timeline of Tom Sandoval & Raquel Leviss' Affair
Seaweed blob headed to Florida that smells like rotten eggs shrinks beyond expectation