Current:Home > InvestTaylor Swift, her ex Taylor Lautner and an unlikely, eye-catching friendship -Mastery Money Tools
Taylor Swift, her ex Taylor Lautner and an unlikely, eye-catching friendship
View
Date:2025-04-14 03:14:34
Taylor Lautner holds a rare, coveted position among Taylor Swift's ex-boyfriends: He's publicly on great terms with her. And wearing signature Eras tour friendship bracelets.
Lautner and Swift were an item back in 2009. But more than a decade later, he's now gone to several Eras tour concerts with his wife – also named Taylor, seriously – most recently this week in London. He also appeared onstage at her Kansas City, Missouri, stop last year to promote the music video for the Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) song "I Can See You." He even had a starring role in it.
So do these two Taylors have it right? Is being friends with your ex a good idea?
It depends. The key things to keep in mind are setting boundaries, taking time for yourself and knowing when it's OK to call the friendship quits.
"The truth is, you broke up for a reason," Cecille Ahrens, a licensed clinical social worker, previously told USA TODAY. "Although a healthy, platonic friendship is possible after a breakup, it’s also not the easiest thing to achieve."
When being friends with your ex is a good idea
The best romantic relationships are rooted in friendships. Just because a romantic spark sputtered doesn't mean a friendship should fall apart. As Lautner and Swift show, it's possible.
"It is absolutely OK to be friends with an ex, particularly when there were personality traits or commonalities in value and experience that brought the individuals together in the first place," Maryanne Fisher, a psychology professor at St. Mary's University in Canada, previously told USA TODAY.
A friendship, particularly after a long relationship, can help people work through the breakup. "For some people, staying friends with an ex can be a healthy way to maintain a connection and work through any lingering emotions or unresolved issues," Miranda Nadeau, a licensed psychologist, also previously told USA TODAY.
Plus, "psychological research shows that people who remain friends with their exes tend to report higher levels of personal growth and satisfaction with their post-breakup lives."
Heads up:Taylor Swift's 'Tortured Poets Department' and when lyrics about dying, grief, heartbreak trigger you
When being friends with your ex is a bad idea
If you're trying to be friends with your ex just to stay in their life – and hope they come to their senses and want to get back together – that's not the best call.
"If you have some form of unresolved romantic feelings toward them, it's never going to be appropriate," Raquel Martin, a licensed clinical psychologist, previously told USA TODAY.
Ditto if it's about control: "It can be harmful if one party is hoping to use friendship to reinsert themselves into the other's life, or to destroy future romantic relationships," Fisher says.
Even if romantic feelings aren't involved, you may still feel territorial about whom your ex dates.
Keep in mind that your current partner may also feel uncomfortable if you maintain a relationship with your ex. Thankfully, it doesn't seem like Swift and Lautner have that problem, as his wife is a Swiftie.
How to set relationship boundaries.'I am not comfortable sexting,' 'One glass of wine is my limit.'
What to consider before staying friends with your ex
- Boundaries. Don't want to hear about your ex's life, like whom they're dating? Probably a sign to keep your distance.
- Build in some transition time. That doesn't mean a few weeks. Try months. "You're used to having a certain level of support or that extra person to talk to or that first person to text, and you don't have them anymore – that's going to come with an adjustment," Martin says.
- You can be "friendly" without being "friends." "If you both decide to be friends, both of you should be able to respect the new boundaries and expectations of the relationship and be able to allow each other to flourish," Ahrens says.
- Don't hang on to the past. "You can't build a relationship off nostalgia," Martin says.
- Be honest with your current partner. "Showing a new partner that there is nothing deceptive or hidden will help allow for them to feel more at ease," Fisher says.
- Consider your ex's motivations. Maybe they want to keep you on the back burner "but they also want to date other people," Martin says, "and they're still making it so that you're not able to be emotionally available for other people."
- There are other fish in the sea. Just because the relationship was good doesn't mean you won't find that elsewhere.
Generally, though, check in with yourself. "If you want to be friends with an ex, it's important to first be honest with yourself about your motivations and feelings," Nadeau says. "If you find that being friends with your ex is causing more pain than joy, it may be time to reevaluate the friendship and consider ending it."
It seems you'd have to pry Lautner's friendship bracelets away with a crow bar.
veryGood! (2)
Related
- San Francisco names street for Associated Press photographer who captured the iconic Iwo Jima photo
- Woman who threw food at Chipotle worker sentenced to work in fast food for 2 months
- Maple syrup is a breakfast staple. Is it healthier than sugar?
- Lithium at California's Salton Sea could power millions of electric vehicles: Report
- NFL Week 15 picks straight up and against spread: Bills, Lions put No. 1 seed hopes on line
- He moved into his daughter’s dorm and acted like a cult leader. Abused students now suing college
- Scientists: Climate change intensified the rains devastating East Africa
- Shots fired outside Temple Israel in Albany, New York governor says
- Jamie Foxx gets stitches after a glass is thrown at him during dinner in Beverly Hills
- Ex-Philadelphia labor leader convicted of embezzling from union to pay for home renovations, meals
Ranking
- What were Tom Selleck's juicy final 'Blue Bloods' words in Reagan family
- How Ukraine's tech experts joined forces with the government despite differences
- Saudi Royal Air Force F-15SA fighter jet crashes, killing 2 crew members aboard
- Lithium at California's Salton Sea could power millions of electric vehicles: Report
- 'We're reborn!' Gazans express joy at returning home to north
- Early retirement was a symptom of the pandemic. Why many aren't going back to work
- The UK says it has paid Rwanda $300 million for a blocked asylum deal. No flights have taken off
- Elijah Wood, other actors unwittingly caught up in Russia propaganda effort
Recommendation
Skins Game to make return to Thanksgiving week with a modern look
North Dakota Sen. Kevin Cramer's son in police chase that ends in deputy's death
Tampa teen faces murder charge in mass shooting on Halloween weekend
Hundreds of New Jersey police officers attended training conference that glorified violence, state comptroller's office says
This was the average Social Security benefit in 2004, and here's what it is now
20+ Gifts For Dad That Will Never Make Him Say I Don't Need Anything Ever Again
New England Patriots vs. Pittsburgh Steelers over/under reaches low not seen since 2005
This week on Sunday Morning (December 10)